connexion & union

A large part of the spiritual journey is concerned with ending the feeling of being separate, of being an isolated individual, separate from the rest of existence. And one way that the tantric methods help with this, is by allowing us to feel connected to another human being. There are many tantric practices which help this feeling of connexion to come. The simplest ones are concerned with breathing. Have you tried breathing with someone: breathing in the same rhythm as the other person? A few minutes of such breathing together and you will begin to resonate with one another. You will feel connected. Breathing is a very powerful method – simple and yet it runs deep. In the yogic traditions, there are many forms of breathing practice, prahnayama, and breathing together can also go deep.

The origins of the word conspire mean to breathe together. Nowadays, conspiracy has a negative meaning, but there’s no reason when two people are together it has to be negative. Conspiring can also be a very positive experience. In fact, in tantra there are two basic patterns to breathing. In one we are breathing together, both people breathing in at the same time, and out at the same time – this is the simplest. But an alternative is for one person to be breathing in as the other is breathing out, and of course vice-versa. This pattern of breathing has a slightly different quality to it: it is a sharing and passing back and forth of energy. But with both patterns of breathing, there can come this feeling of connexion, energetically.

When two people feel connected, it’s usually a very pleasant feeling. But with tantra we hope to go even deeper. That connexion needs to become a union: two people becoming one, not two people still a little bit separate but touching each other, connected. No, it needs to be deeper: two people becoming one, a union. This is the meaning of yoga also: union – ultimately, with god, with existence, with all that is. But we can practise in this smaller way, with one other human being. And many tantric practices are like this, because the biggest hurdle is overcoming the feeling of oneself, an individual. And if you can do it with one other person, then it’s a relatively simple step to do it with existence as a whole. And this is the basis of much tantra.

So to go deeper even than the feeling of connexion, we can hope to feel the other person’s body as part of our own. And here language begins to fail us because it’s no longer my body and yours, for it’s just one body, one big bundle of sensation and energy. We can’t really say it’s mine. We can’t really say it’s yours. We have come together and become one entity, one organism, breathing together, energy flowing within one system, and sensations coming into the consciousness of both people, to such an extent that we can no longer separate these two people – just one organism. I don’t know if you’ve had such experiences. Perhaps during profound love making it can happen, whether or not we think we are practising tantra, experiences like this can happen. If you have been lucky enough to have such experiences, you will know that they raise questions in the mind. Where do I really finish? Where does the other begin? Where is the boundary? Is that boundary real? So through connecting in this deep way, we can begin to erode our sense of separation.